Wildest dreams

On a recent drive to Galveston, Bobby and I discussed our wildest dreams. No, not those kinds… We stumbled onto this because I was telling him about Oprah and her wildest dreams bus. How people write her compelling letters and she shows up on the bus, waves a wand and poof, there’s your dream.

Bobby asked if Oprah showed up out of the blue, what would I asked for. I know I have a better chance of waking up cerebral palsy-less then seeing Oprah but it never hurts to dream.

Let’s see, I thought it might be cool if I had a total home make over. Oops, wrong show. Bobby was hoping I’d say to cruise around the world in a yacht. That ain’t going to happen. I’d start hyperventilating at the first thought of a storm. Have we not learned anything from Giligan’s Island. It was supposed to be a three hour tour… A three hour tour.

I toyed with the idea of taking all the members of the Crip Club and their significant others on the most fabulous vacation. I think aside from just asking the big O for a blank check, this would be my wildest dream. Hell, I might even take Bobby and Nicholas.

But reality got the better of me. That’s right, as I sit on my bench on my front porch waiting for Oprah’s bus to save me, I know exactly what I’d asked for. damn I hope these wood imprints on my butt aren’t permanent.

I’d ask for a job to write a column. I couldn’t tell from Bobby’s expression if he was surprised by my dream, if he was proud, disturbed, or disgusted. You could almost hear his thoughts, “Has 9 years of balancing pennies in Claire’s personal income bank account taught her nothing?”

That’s right, I’d ask for a writing gig. He asked if I thought I could write a monthly column? Sure. A weekly column? Yup. A daily column…. Freakin A… I fell into his trap.

He misunderstood me. I bragged that I had my game store so organized, it could run itself. He understood it that as now I’ll have more time I could write a daily column. Hypothetically I guess I could. But see, I have so much housework and cooking those nightly gourmet meals is very time consuming. Oh shit, lightening just struck my house.

How can I say this without the Crip Club members holding me to it. Ok, on the days when ebay is slow, when Nicholas isn’t driving me crazy, when I’m not mad at Bobby, when the movies on lifetime are reruns, and when I’m not taking any medicine for my allergies, I’ll probably try to write a column. If you think that’s bad, you should have heard the amendments to my wedding vowes.

That’s right people, Clarifiedchaos is now… a da… will be published more then once a year.