Reality Check

I have decided that I hate being poor and I’ll stop being artsy fartsy when I turn 40 and get a real job.

 

My husband’s forehead is throbbing because he thinks I just offended his manliness. And I guess I did if in fact the world revolved around him and if I was locked in a dark basement for the last 30 years. We’ve had this argument for years and he just needs to acknowledge that I’m right, he’s wrong.

 

First I need to clarify. “we” aren’t  poor. Bobby makes a good living that keeps us clothed and very well fed. His distorted perception is that if he made more “I” wouldn’t feel poor. And his argument is so flawed it could be used as a colander.

 

Ok here is the correct reality. (fact 1) My siblings are independently wealthy from there spouses.  Like really successful.  (fact 2) I was raised with them. Given the same and/or opportunities as them.. Therefore I should be as independently wealthy as them. Its not like Lynn is prettier and more charming or mike is more brainier… (lets disregard that last thought and move on…) But based on these facts, I win. Bobby loses. And life is good.

 

So with this revelation, I have given myself a deadline. If I cannot eat at the Tokyo Gardens once a month on my own merits by the time I’m 40, I’m a loser and I’ll go back to school and be something grown up. Like a lawyer or an accountant or something… Just as a side note, I’m still dreaming about that meal… ya know, Valentines day is coming up boys. (oh hell yeah, I still believe charity begins with your favorite crip…)

 

What’s sad about this situation is I should get off my ass and just get a grip on reality. Start now. registrar for 1st summer session and begin my new path of grown-up-yuppiness. But here is my theory. If 40 is the new 30, then 30 has to  be the new 20, therefore, mentally  I’m 27 and I’ve got 3 years to screw around.

 

Claire’s rational thoughts. Few understand it, almost never when they are sober. But to prove that I'm actually giving thought to my future I made a list of occupations I could do.

 

Lawyer- pro, you get cute clothes. My favorite lawyer looks so hot. Con, you have to be like smart and shit.

 

Doctor- pro, they are filthy rich. Con. I don't do sick people. First cough heard around my house, they’re off to my mom… pisses Bobby off but hey.

 

Computer geek- nevermind, I have too many surrounding me.

 

Architect – Pro, i think I have great vision, Con, I have the equivalent drawing skills of a 3 year old…ok 2 year old, thanks for that reality check.

 

Teacher – at least the kids will be too busy bullying me to bully other kids,

 

Jezz, I’m screwed. maybe sponging off of Bobby isn’t all that terrible. Besides I have three years to try to think of something I wouldn’t totally suck at. It can't be that hard right?

 

Until then, I’m off and running on my newest bright idea. I think this is my 8th business plan. The scary part is this one seems to actually be paying off. Go figure. And since in my heart, I like to see myself as the creative artist/writer type, (at least for 3 more years) I can sorta put an artist spin on this, even if its via computer. And that’s kinda cool. in a non-mature-way of course.

 

Three or four more gigs and maybe I'll even treat my little posse to like olive garden… (I gotto work my way up to Tokyo.)