Voice of a Dying Cow

Sometimes reality sucks. I don't usually air out my dirty laundry but Bobby has been downright cruel lately… said I had a voice like a dying cow.  He did…

 

The majority of you are just flabbergasted that the love of my life would say a comment that cruel about my voice. I am too. About five of you are mumbling, how did you provoke him, oh ye of little crip faith. Shame.

 

I did nothing, I swear on. I swear on my drivers license. So am I saying he just blurted it out one day? Yup. Yup. Ok, maybe it ended a discussion but those words did come from his mouth.

 

So I'm working on a big power point presentation. The person who requested wanted audio with it. yeah right. But it's a very important deal so I decided I'd buy a cheap microphone and at least make an effort. I didn't even tell Bobby because if it totally sucked I just tell the guy my audio on my computer is out. And Bobby would never be the wiser. Because if he found out I loss this gig because I didn't wanna do a voice over, he'd divorce me. Naw, but he'd honestly would  be furious.

 

So I did the freaking audio. It was the most painful 8 hours of my life. I don't like hearing my recorded voice in passing, having to purposely work with it is just obscene. When I finally got it as good as it was to going to get, I decided that I should show Bobby so that he knew the exact date I committed professional suicide. 

 

He absolutely loved it. More than his "that's great dear." He wanted copies, he's rethinking our marketing plan. I'm listening to the presentation as he is watching it and I start screaming I sound like a dying cow. I follow him around the house screaming my new battle cry. He's cooking, I'm muttering, he's hiding in the bathroom, I'm yelling outside the door. He's outside, I'm mouthing the words through the glass. Finally he ended my rant. "You do sound like a dying cow but we're going to be rich." I walked behind him muttering "Gee, don't you think that's harsh?"

 

But the funny part is this was an 8 minute presentation. He thinks I'm going to do a 4 hour one. I think not. He'll come home one day and I'll have a microphone shoved into my vocal box… I have a better plan. Everyone wins. One of my bestest friends can do a impersonation of my voice. Send him two airline tickets, buy a keg of dark ale. We'll have a good old weekend. Pretty peas honey. Teeheehee.