Talking Font and Magical Signs...

If Bobby really loved me he would sit me down and tell me to stop. Just stop. But my newest obsessions leave little time to nag him so he seems to encourage it.

 

A few weeks ago a my new bff (I just wanted to say that…) my new bff suggested I put all my blogs in a book. I thought this was a cool idea. I’m hooked on trying to design different kinds of books.  It’s sorta fun and it’s a new service my business is offering so my rationality is the more experience, the better the books will look.

 

So I finish the inside layout and at first I decide just to slap on a simple cover. No problem. Title, author, wam bam Thank you mam. Then I thought about it and I think it needs a little funk. No one will ever probably see this book, but it needs funk. I can do funk.

 

Do you know the minute hand on a clock make 60 clicks per round. Just an observation I counted as I waited for my funk to kick in. then inspiration struck. Either that or it was the first idea that popped into my brain. And it sounded simple but than again everything in my head sounds simple. It’s the follow through that always bites me in the ass…

 

Just make the cover full of words describing me and or my blog. Cool. I can do that. Then my best friend from Seattle seemed to take possession my body. Didn’t even buy me dinner first! I say that because he’s very good at layout and design. So I hear him in my head, you need a pattern, you need color, there must be a pattern for your randomness… That just pisses me off, if he can possess my brain, at least can't I have his manual dexterity too?

 

So my husband walks by and I prayed he would say something like “don't you have something better to do on a Saturday afternoon?” but he has to be supportive and shit and said “That’s cool, but you forgot the word, squeal.” which is a very important word in the crip circle. And because I had all the words almost laid out, everything had to be moved 1 cm over. And because David was still in my head, like a obsessive compulsive fool I did it. Bobby asked to see it again after i painfully moved all the words over, I threw him out of my office. (he would of added a word just to watch my head explode!)I smiled with satisfaction about an hour later as I proclaimed it done.  I promised myself to publish my cover after our evening activities.

 

I must have had to much to drink that night because when I returned, my final draft now seem to look like a rough copy, each word screaming they wanted individual fonts sizes and maybe different angles slants. I quickly closed photoshop as if it was Pandora’s box and have avoided looking at it since. I’m on my 97th game of tetris, cool huh?

 

The other bad thing I did, I sorta embezzled family fun money to buy pretty magical signs and  ended up on a corner begging friends to buy my movie tickets babbling that I’ll pay them back with my magical sign money. Ok, that’s not what happened exactly, just my creative perception.

 

My company dimphotos is doing quite well because of Bobby. he brings me home work. so I got to thinking, if he can get me work, I’ll advertise a little and wow him with my brilliance.

 

 So I decide to order this signs, you know the signs in the median you really don't wanna read but you do anyways. That’s me. Pretty gosh darn high tech huh? And just to annoy Bobby, I started calling them my magical signs. For when we stick them, customers will come.

 

Two weeks… I got one inquiry, no work. fantastic! I do have 5 left, I’m debating whether we should put them up or make a pitcher of margaritas, get a few darts and just get out my anger…

 

Magical sign and talking fonts, yet Bobby still let me out on weekends. The other annoying thing is, I can’t let things go. I must close now and attempt to finish the book cover. The bad news is all of the members of the crip club is getting this book for Christmas. Not because the content is that good, I just need to justify my madness. But it might make a funky doorstop.  No, wait… We can make it like a fruitcake, and just pass it around. Now that’s funny!

 

Pet Peeves

I thought I’d share my newly developing pet peeves which could drive me to madness but oh no, too late!

 

The first one is called fishes fishes everywhere but none for me. So we go fishing Saturday night and everyone on the pier is catching fishes but me. This may be a slight exaggeration but it was really a good night and I know for a fact that the two families on both sides of us were catching them two by two. It was really crazy.

 

And I make Bobby buy a form ice chest because I had no doubt I’d be bringing my mommy fish that night. Two freaking hours I caught 2 tiny ones. (Bobby was kind, he didn’t point out one was “illegal” because I hooked his gill.)

 

What made this horribly unbearable was we were with kids. And I was trying to teach Nicholas how it was a great night and we were with our friends, enjoying their company, so who gives a @#$!#%^& about catching fish.

 

The good news is at this point in my life, I can rationalize anything. I know, it’s a gift! If I sucked, Bobby sucked more because he only caught 4 and the lady besides him caught like 20… Why oh Why?

 

My next annoyance happened at Dave & Busters. It’s like a ritzy arcade. The only game I could become addicted to is on a platform with a high bar stool in front of it. Bobby helped me upon the great throne once but it took me like 7 minutes to find my balance and the game only last like 2 minutes. Fantastic. I’m not embarrassed at all. I need one in a dark corner, at the normal height, I’d be so happy. Just drop me there and pick me up on your way out.

 

My last trauma caught me off guard and I wasn’t expecting it. I am so excited because we are going on our first vacation we’ve been on in years. Before I get hate mail. Seattle was too short and I love love camping but occasionally a crip needs indoor plumbing & room service.

 

ANYWAYS I’m planning this fabulous trip with my college roommate and we are deciding what days we would do what. And she said something that registered about a hour later (I’m slow…) and I shrieked in pure horror. Pool? Kids? Lay out we can? But that would entail… oh shit! I’ve haven’t worn a swim suit for public people watching in years. And might I say the world has thanked me for that contribution to keeping the world beautiful.

 

I need a way to let go of my minor obsessions. Let’s see, we can plan another fishing trip so I can redeem myself. I really don't need to get hooked on a silly arcade game. Besides, the more tickets I win the better chance Nicholas will want to get another air horn thingy. By the way Tim, since you were so generous and helped get Nicholas the horn, I must buy lexy a equally… how should I say? Equally “entertaining” toy.

 

I even got the pool thing figured out. Think, long flowing sundresses. Cute. Functional. Perfect.

 And once again, my world is happy.