It ain't easy being crip

Its always amusing to initiate new members into the crip club. I say initiate but I guess its more a revelation on their part. Getting pass my odd looking outside, pass the sweetness most people think I am and getting to the core of my true quarky-but-bitchy-self. This moment came at the zoo. Sunday. The 2 newest members mumbled “don't you HATE people like that? Why do people stare at you? You should run there asses over.”

 

This is how dumb I am. I had to run down the list in my head of what they were referring to. Was I having a bad boob day? did they hate my smile? Were they pointing at my boy, thinking he belong with the monkeys? Or did they know my deepest darkest secret, I’m gonna fail to meet my 38-year-old-goals which will eventually lead to my insanity. (If you recently got a promotion, sold/lease a house, where a robe to work, own a bowling alley, or are going to school to double your current income, no lectures please unless its includes a face to face drinking session. But damn, I keep good company!)

 

Handicap? What? They are staring at my handicap? Oh shit, I thought it was something important, like my poor career choices or questioning my hotness. Who cares about the crip thing. I can't decide if its sad or hysterical that I was stared at like a animal at the zoo. Oh the Irony of it all. I wanting to yell: I AM NOT A ANIMAL. (one person is laughing their ass off and you are so going to hell. hehehe) Wouldn’t it be funny if I could take pictures of people staring and publish a book called like staring at the face of weirdness or something.

 

So this has got me thinking about the crip thing. Stupid things bug me lately. I thought I decided to have my birthday party at sugarland pizza something. It’s like a chuck-e-cheese without the scary oversized animals. The food’s not great but here is why I thought I had to. All of the birthday games are rigged. Hello! The birthday person wins everything, like limbo and that freeze statue game. And since most of my friends are competitive brainy gaming types their heads would explode when I won the limbo contest just because that’s physically impossible. Sweet! But at last another dream is shattered because of two cripisms. The money slots on the video games are super low so I almost toppled over twice. And the gateway to the go-cart line has 27 steps. Yes I counted.

 

Another thing that is depressing is my husband got a ps3 and for like 3 months I’ve been looking for a crip-friendly controller. So I finally find one and I realized that it only has one joy stick, which means in most games I can only move from side to side and if I have to go forward or backwards, I’m screwed. Its crazy, I say, I’m even handicapped in cyber space. But in full disclosure there’s one game I can kinda play and it is the most idiotic game on the face of the planet but I’m totally obsessed with it. I forbid Bobby to show me how to pull it up on the ps3 because I know myself, if I could play when no ones home… Although, I’m trying to get it on my computer but thank goodness its not available or I’d be playing pain instead of writing this. But seriously, if anyone knows of a overgrown ps3 controller please let me know,

 

The other thing I found amusement with is I’d rather cut out my tongue with a dull knife than go to physical therapy, but for some stupid reason, getting a personal trainer is hip and fabulous. And I wanna be hip and fabulous so I got one. I’m gonna ease into it, but I have my first “training” next Thursday. And we are starting our walking/biking Wednesday.

 

The coolest thing is: next time someone stares at me at the zoo, they’ll be staring at my fabulous arms… (yea… ok, but I’m happily delusional)