Friday the 13th sucks

Our son Nicholas asked me if he found a penny was it truly lucky. I laughed because  he asked on the morning of Friday the 13th. I told him if he thought it was lucky, it was. I was proud that my answer was so zenlike.

 

For the rest of the day I mocked people on tv who cried about their superstition of Friday the 13th. I never paid much attention to the date. I never had any disastrous events on this day so big woop. Its Sunday and I'm still tasting my foot in my mouth.

 

Bobby came home from work and he's pale white, which is bad because one of my pet names for him is white boy. He had bad news. Of course my first worry is someone was hurt. No. ok. I can breathe again. But he sure looked devastated.

 

Now the bad news is not mine so I'm not going to publicly share it. But I finally figured out what it felt like. Go with me on this metaphor we call life. Let's say, we finally saved enough money to redo the kitchen. We spent the whole morning picking out appliances, tiles, wallpaper, ect. We get home and a tree had fallen through the roof and now decorated our family room. This is an unexpected semi-tragedy. Freaking great.  What a pain in the ass. Will it destroy my life? Naw. Complicated it? you have no idea. It'll take weeks to clean up the mess,  and probably even longer to feel safe.  And I sure as hell can kiss my new refrigerator goodbye for 6 month.

 

My first instinct was to write one of my infamous angry letters to my best friends, venting how horrible life was and how this tragedy was somehow related to my handicap. Because when I get in this frame of mind, my handicap is the root of all evil. I resisted my first temptation to do this and ended up just texting one for a quick bitch session. all I wanted was someone to agree that this just royaly suck. (i'll email the crip circle soon with this news. i'm being lazy but we are all healthy and bob like didn't run away and join the circus or anything.)

 

I think Bobby is sneaking happy pills into my drink because I'm unusually perky these past few days. I had a lovely dinner with friends. I'm busy preparing for my biggest seminar to date. If all goes well, the giant elephant sitting in my living room might shrink a bit. Life should feel worse but I just don't have the energy.

 

My closest friends have accused me of being a self fulfilling prophecy. In the past I have had the power to predict several failures in my life. Pretty cool huh? So I was thinking maybe I should turn over a new leaf and try to use my super human powers for good.

 

So this prophecy will be. I'm gonna kick ass in my seminar, getting a contract for  12 more. we are gonna get an offensively huge amount of insurance money to restore our budget. And my first Disability Insights employee will work for me 80 hours a week and wear really sexy suits. There ya go.

 

(bob just got a flood of calls from the crip cirlcle, asking if I'm high.)

It's just wood...

If I don't screw up in the next few weeks, I'll probably will be able to buy Bobby and Nicholas one sorta big "gift" each.  And my friends think I'm negative. I'm just kidding. I probably won't suck. See, I'm growing, I'm adding all kind of positive adjectives like "probably" and "fifty-fifty".

 

It's not a surprise for Bobby. Actually he already picked his out at Fry's. He visits it every Sunday. Strokes it. Brings it roses. Come to think of it, it's a bit disturbing. Ah the love between a nerd and a supped-up new notebook. Who am I to judge?

 

There was more debate on what we'd get Nicholas, if I don't ya know. I think we've decided on "remodeling" his playset outback. The one he currently has came with the house and I think is on its last leg. Nicholas gets so testy when we make him and his friends sign consent forms every time they go outside.

 

So I'm doing research. How much can a playground set be? I have a huge budget. 500 big ones baby. I figured it out $500 will get me the chain for the swings, the canopy, and half of the foot holds for the climbing wall. Great. We'll just call it the "imaginary playground paradise." One of the things I love about our son is he's very creative, but I think this maybe pushing it.

 

I'm thinking about our options while channel surfing and it comes to me. I stopped on a show about the coolest tools of 2006. ooo look, a pretty nail gun. I want one. And they had this funky saw that actually cuts circles. I know I lead a pathetic life. I cannot tell you the correct length for skirts this fall, but I can tell you the top ten popular tools. By the way I don't think minis are in, are they? No, I would have heard stories. My husband likes pointing them out to me. Can someone tell him this is a bad practice. He thinks it amuses me.

 

So I'm making a list of all the cool tools I need, like the wrench that automatically tightens when you press a button. Sure, laugh at me now but when you need it, you just need it. and it occurs to me, a playground is just a bunch of wood nailed together. What a great fall weekend family project.

 

Go to Home Depot, buy like $500 worth of wood, $300 worth of pretty tools (my donation, tools are better than those dumb old suits I was going to treat myself too) and there ya go. The funkiest playground set in the neighborhood. Can you picture it, Bobby and I building a playground set… What do ya get? A very expensive hop scotch maze, because between my balance and his procrastination. Not a single piece of wood will be higher than 6 inches above the ground.

 

That x-box is looking mighty good to buy. We could always let him play with it on the patio and pretend he's enjoying the great outdoors Whatever we decide, I still want the nail gun and wrench.