All i want for Christmas...

Last night as I stared at my husband sleeping, I wanted to scream “do you not know me?” and smother him with a pillow. But I didn’t because I love him, and he thought he was doing the right thing. And quite frankly, he’s bigger than me.

 

Yesterday I had my first dentist appointment on the road to a beautiful smile. I was very nervous because they made me take a pill an hour before to mellow me out and I hate being out of control. But I took it, after Bobby shoved it down my throat. I’m kidding I took it.

 

Damn it worked good because 5 hours later I’m on my couch, with my mom staring at me. I Don’t remember anything after checking in at the dentist. To Bobby’s dismay, I was a sleepy boring drunk. He says the only thing I did slightly amusing is that on the way home, I was trying to sit up. And I spent five minutes trying to reach the grab bar above my seat. I finally reach it and was to weak to pull myself up.

 

Bobby said the appointment went great. They wanted to make a good mold of my mouth. Did it. I had two teeth that were just killing me. They pulled them. Everything was good. But there was one slight misfortune. It seems that during the procedure they asked me to bite on something and I just bit the shit out of it, loosening my front tooth.

 

So they asked Bobby, my next of kin if they should leave it or pull it. And if they left it, they worried I might choke on it. But if they pulled it, they’ll have my replacement by next Thursday. Bobby told them to pull it. Do you remember the scene from moonstruck where  Cher slaps  Nicholas Cage and yells "snap out of it?" Yeah…

 

For 14 months I’ve been looking for a in-town camera person to help me shoot a demo. Finally met one that I absolutely love. And we are/were/are/were… We were planning to shoot it Monday, like in 6 days.

 

Let’s see, run the slight possibility on choking on a tooth or ruining my professional dreams forever. Thanks. (now that was being dramatic.) but I’m so pissed, not at Bobby, but the timing just sucks.

 

And my husband is sweet. He’s like, just shoot the distance shots Monday and close-ups later. So I pull out a mirror, left it at one end of my house. staring in the mirror i slowly backed up until I looked normal. My house isn’t long enough to make me look decent.

 

So there’s my toothless life. And ya know this week I’ll try to hide at home, and the one night I go out I’ll run into everyone I never wanted to see. Exboyfriends, old favorite professors, potential clients. It’ll be fun. Oh hell, I’ll bet the admissions reunion is this weekend too. Sneeze. Oops. Can’t go. I’m sick. Don’t invite me y’all.

 

I have this funny saying. I’m too handicapped to be anal and too ugly to be vain. Guess I was wrong. It’s gonna be a long 9 days folks. Because remember Bobby – vanity always trumps choking.

 

Happy 2007!

In my previous life, my New Years Eve always seemed to suck. Even though I had my fair share of boyfriends, I felt cursed during this holiday seemingly made for lovers. 4th of Julys were good. Had a few descent valentines. And between us, I did very very well on birthdays. But for 25 years I've longed for that perfect New Years Eve. I swear to God the 1st time I met Bobby I knew two things. He was the one and no more sucky New Years Eve. I was right about one thing. he was/is the one. The no more sucky New Years Eve, not so much.

 

To be fair, I should list Bobby's many many adoring qualities. He's kind, caring, loyal, brilliant, cute, sweet, and adorable. He loves cooking for our friends every weekend. I knew this was true as we were cleaning up from this past Saturday's party and he asked what my friends wanted him to cook next weekend. See, Bobby is just too cute. (it's will be bob's party part 2, he has so many friends, we have to do it in shifts. haha) but this one, low on food in honor of the incredible shrinking woman, ya know who ya are.

 

But he does have this one quirk. He absolutely hates going out New Years Eve. If a gunman gave hima choice, threatening his life or forcing him to go dancing on New Years Eve,  Bob would probably ask if he can check his will before he got shot. To add insult to injury, New Years Eve is his birthday so to force him to go out is like a deadly sin to him.

 

the 1st five years we were together, we'd have knock-out-drag-out fights, at home of course. Next 5 years I just refused to talk to him from 6 to midnight, which didn't seem to be the effective punishment you might think. In fact 6 hours with me not talking kinda added some bounced to his step…

 

Sunday, I was too sleepy to wind up for a good fight so I made him feed me cheetos to silently comfort my wounds. No it's not a kinky innuendo, I love cheetos but hate getting that orange stuff on my hands. Sadly, this appeased me.

 

But I had a thought. Maybe this is just a case of misunderstanding. Maybe I need to be more specific with him. His eyes glaze over when I say I wanna go out. That's too general. Maybe I need to be more detailed in my request. Like I wanna go to a steak house, a Broadway play, and a quaint bar afterwards. With the wonderful plan, Bobby will surely want to go out Next New Years Eve. And maybe tomorrow, I'll be cured of my Cerebral Palsy. A girl can dream

 

Thank goodness everything looks better New Years Day. And 2007 looks to be a promising new year for our family. May my husband get the dream job he deserves. And I'm not JUST saying that so I can stop working and eat Cheetos all day long. Really.

 

Anyways may 2007 bring you love, health, and prosperity. And good friends and family.

 

p.s. Bobby- My New Years Eve plan also works for Valentines, just fyi.