War of the Vivid Imagination

Can someone please email me the ending to War of the Worlds? I want a written guarantee to a happy ending before I shell out $40 for an evening out. $40? Yup. Between tickets, drinks, and popcorn there you go.

I hate to admit it but a few movies have scarred me for life. When I was ten, I was at a cousin's church. They showed a very graphic movie about the end of the world. Til this day I wake up checking to see if my head is still attached to my body.

What's worse is Bobby believes that the handicap get a "go directly to heaven, avoid rolling heads" free card. This just pisses me off because if this is true, I wasted my twenties being sweet and can't rebel again until I'm 46, the day after I send Nicholas off to Yale, I'm buying a hog. It's true I won't be able to drive it but at least I can sit on it.

The other movie that ruin me forever is Poltergeist. Bobby thinks I'm being nice and got cable just for him. Not true. With cable I lower the chances of running into an off-air channel and that hellish static noise. On rare occasions the cable goes off line and when I turn on the TV its of course extra loud with the static. I have to quickly turn it off, take a few deep breathes in preparation to battle the TV for control of the cable.

Rereading this, I'm amazed I get out of bed in the mornings. I have blocked out the movie that planted the seed in my brain that dolls were just frozen monsters waiting for a dark and stormy night to attack. Needless to say the whole early 80s cabbage patch craze was just hell on earth for me.

I was so thankful to have a son. A daughter would have been fine, but I worried about two things. One, doing her hair. And two, having all those dollies around. Although no one warned me about Nicholas' strange boy noises which Bobby seems to take great pride in.

Needless to say, I don't need another creepy movie to encourage my vivid and sick imagination. I assumed people will die in this thriller. That's ok. I would pout about it but I can even live with Tom Cruise dying as a mortar. But bottom line Dakota Fanning has to live and be well. And the world must be exterminated of the alien creatures. If the creatures needed humans for experiments, just take the men, leave the women and the shops on 5th avenue untouched and we'll call it even.

Oh heck, I think I will go see it. I'll just sit 2 rows and five seats over from Bobby. Or he'll try to breath down my neck during the creepy parts… and not in the good way either.