Eating Jellyfish

Saturday Bobby, our friend Theresa, and I decide to take Nicholas to the beach. I had planned to sit in a lounge chair by Bobby. The beach isn't really my thing because it's difficult to get around on and for weeks after the fact I find sand in the most particular places. But when friends go, it's all good.

Bobby is a different story. He hates the beach. Married 9 years, together 10, I think this was our first real trip to the beach. About once a year we would drive by a beach, I'd suggest we get out and Bobby would hold his breath til I said never mind. The only reason Bobby went was because a beautiful woman asked him too, regretfully the woman wasn't me. Hell no I'm not offended. She's gonna use her charm to get Bobby to drive us to florida next year. Hey whatever non-smoking method that works, but that's in itself is another column.

Theresa and Nicholas ran in the water as Bobby and I sat in the sand. I don't know if it was the beautiful day. The intoxicating sounds of my little boy's laughter. Or just wanting to hang out closer to Theresa, I wanted in that murky brown water.

"I'm going in." I said.

"You forgot your life jacket. I'd prefer you didn't." he said, not taking his eyes off of Nicholas. My first thought was that's cute, he doesn't want me to drown… Yup, pretty darn cute… maybe just a tad arrogant… then I let it stew in my brain. 10 minutes later I could feel my olive skin turn bright red. Voices in my head were screaming. I married a bastard. How the freak did I wind up here? Oooo won't mom be proud, I just realized, I married God. He'd prefer I didn't. What is that? I don't want to swim a mile offshore. Two, three inches in the waves. The only thing that might freak me out is if I got stung by a jelly fish… But that won't happen.

"I'm going in." I finally snapped. Bobby knew I had made up my mind. He extended his arm and guided me to the water's edge in pissed off silence. I did a knee drop from his arm… I hit the water and I swear the second my butt touched a incoming wave, I hear this blood shrieking scream. Nicholas.

Looking back, maybe I was married to god because within 7 seconds he had swoop me back to my chair and had reached where Theresa had brought Nicholas out of the water. My poor baby was stung by, let's all say it together a jellyfish. I'm not sure what hurt more, his arms or my ego. 20 minutes later we were relieved to see Nicholas' smile again. 15 minutes after that he was using his injuries to get chocolate milk, which I gladly bought. I am so lucky we weren't near a toy-r-us.

Man when shit comes around it sure bites you hard in the butt. Although technically I wasn't verbally horrible to Bobby, just slightly feisty in my head…so I guess I only kinda owe him an apology, here's goes, as I grind my teeth.

Bobby… Bob… Sweety… I sorr… I sincerely apolo… oh hell you lucky bastard, thanks for not leaving me in the water. You don't completely suck as a husband, although I still think you're dead wrong about the jet ski and go-cart I want… And I'll prove it soon. No worries babe!

(It's because I'm cute and utterly charming when I'm not trying to drown myself… for those of you men who were wondering why Bobby puts up with me.)